Titanic: Another Massive J.C. Production
So today was definitely Titanic day on TBS and oh how a epic day it was. The 1997 award winning film Titanic was one of J.C.'s (and I don't mean Jesus Christ either) massive productions. The movie itself cost $200 million to make and with all its special effects and massive stage props, well of course it did. Now let me say this first before I go into my revue, the actual real life story of the sinking of the Titanic is incredibly sad and is a tragedy. I would never make fun of the actual event. Now J.C.'s version I will poke, ridicule and burn at the stake while chanting "What the fcku!".
Oh where to start. Let's start with the special effects. J.C. is known for his exaggerated effects but damn! Did you see how massive that ship was? I mean, I understand that the actual Titanic was the biggest ship for its time but is it necessary to be taking up the entire screen J.C.? One of those huge columns on top of the ship intentionally took up my entire screen, no bullshit either. I'm gonna need you to take it down about $100 million dollars. And then we wonder why we're in such a recession.
Next let's discuss the weak ass love story. What really gets to me is that while the ship has sunk and there's furniture floating around, Leo D. grabs one for Kate Dub but doesn't grab one for himself. Now fellas, as much as you love your girlfriends and wives, I can't imagine you not trying to at least save your own asses, especially after you've already secured her safety. And as Leo D. is freezing his ass of in the icy water, she turns to him and tells him that she loves him. You love him? Hell, you better adore, love and worship his ass since he's about to die for your slow ass self. Favorite scene: one sweaty hand print on the inside of a car window. Favorite line: "I'll never let go Jack. I'll never let go". Dammit let go.
Lastly, the ending scene with the old, aging woman. The movie begins with a crew trying to locate the massive diamond she was given as an engagement present. 194 minutes later, she steps out barefoot into the cold, leans over the railing and aimlessly throws the massive diamond overboard. What the fcku! You mean you had the diamond this entire time? Well damn, we could have cut the 194 minutes of my life that I wasted watching this movie in half. I know she had a personal attachment to the diamond, but I'm pretty sure they would have given her massive buttloads of money for it. Enough to take care of her family for years and years. I know its not about the money, but its about the time, the time I wasted watching another massive J.C. production.
Moral of the story: Sometimes masstivity (and yes it's a word) equals ridiculousness on a massive level. Prime example: Avatar. Point made.
Oh where to start. Let's start with the special effects. J.C. is known for his exaggerated effects but damn! Did you see how massive that ship was? I mean, I understand that the actual Titanic was the biggest ship for its time but is it necessary to be taking up the entire screen J.C.? One of those huge columns on top of the ship intentionally took up my entire screen, no bullshit either. I'm gonna need you to take it down about $100 million dollars. And then we wonder why we're in such a recession.
Next let's discuss the weak ass love story. What really gets to me is that while the ship has sunk and there's furniture floating around, Leo D. grabs one for Kate Dub but doesn't grab one for himself. Now fellas, as much as you love your girlfriends and wives, I can't imagine you not trying to at least save your own asses, especially after you've already secured her safety. And as Leo D. is freezing his ass of in the icy water, she turns to him and tells him that she loves him. You love him? Hell, you better adore, love and worship his ass since he's about to die for your slow ass self. Favorite scene: one sweaty hand print on the inside of a car window. Favorite line: "I'll never let go Jack. I'll never let go". Dammit let go.
Lastly, the ending scene with the old, aging woman. The movie begins with a crew trying to locate the massive diamond she was given as an engagement present. 194 minutes later, she steps out barefoot into the cold, leans over the railing and aimlessly throws the massive diamond overboard. What the fcku! You mean you had the diamond this entire time? Well damn, we could have cut the 194 minutes of my life that I wasted watching this movie in half. I know she had a personal attachment to the diamond, but I'm pretty sure they would have given her massive buttloads of money for it. Enough to take care of her family for years and years. I know its not about the money, but its about the time, the time I wasted watching another massive J.C. production.
Moral of the story: Sometimes masstivity (and yes it's a word) equals ridiculousness on a massive level. Prime example: Avatar. Point made.
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