For anyone who knows me, and not many do, I love me some good Grimm's tales. I love how in order to keep children in line, parents would scare the shit out of them. Spinning morality out of terror, fright and just plain simplicity. Some of my favorite stories are Cinderalla (How to Marry for Money), Rumplestiltskin (Why Memory is a Forgotten Virtue) and Little Red Riding Hood (Never Ever Talk to Strangers). Because of my deep love and even deeper respect for these tales, I'm always weary when a big production studio wants to cash in on these traditions. But, I'm a fair person and I give each one a full chance. Which is what I tried to do for Hansel & Gretal. What a sad mistake. So where should I start....

Well, for starters, the premise was enticing. You have two siblings who were basically abandoned at childhood, deserted in the woods, only to meet up with an evil witch disguised in sweets. At least, that's the premise we've grown up to know. The movie takes a step from the norm and turns these two into witch hunters. Going from town to town, killing all witches known and saving little kids from terror, all for a small fee. I will admit, they were definitely bad ass and the fight scenes were up to par on the bad ass scale. Once you find out the story behind their abandonment and the real reason their father left them astray in the woods, you go hmmm...that's different. But different can be good and it was. It was definitely a twist on a well-known story. However, the plot itself could have been much stronger. You have this great background story that unfortunately does just that, stay in the background. What you're left with is a water down tale filled with semi-action scenes and not enough well written script. It was more than just disappointing.



What wasn't initially disappointing were the witches. Different from the ordinary and definitely as ugly as can be. I enjoyed their evil ways and wanted more. So unfortunately, here goes some more disappointment. Not enough witch power. The movie only gives you a glimpse into what witches are able to do. I wanted to see some cool tricks and only got a preview. Again, more than just disappointing.

To tell you the truth, this movie overall was a disappointment. There were times were it captured my attention but then quickly let it go. It was like a movie that could have been so much greater than it allowed itself to be. To prove that it wasn't just me, the guy next to me started to loudly snore halfway through the movie. Yes, even for him I'm sure it was a disappointment. Oh well, I guess we'll have to wait until another Grimm's Fairy Tale is up for butchering and hopefully not as much as this.

Graphics: 4
Cohesiveness: 4
Story Line: 2
ADD Meter: 2
Overall: 3

Ahhh!!! It's been a loooong time since I've posted anything on here. Phew, I think my last post was in 2011 and it's now 2013. That's saying more than a lot. Although for you faithful followers on my personal blog, it's only been a few days. So, instead of focusing on sad reunions, let's dive straight in.

Last week, I gathered up the courage and went to go see Guillermo del Toro's supernatural film, Mama. Now, I understand that this movie is a combined effort of Del Toro, J. Miles Dale and Barbara Muschietti, so no harsh criticism here. I will say this, the teamwork of these three super director/producers created a work of fantastic proportions. I've never been a huge fan of gory horror. I believe that the best scare is a dry scare- a bone chilling ghost story or urban legend spun to its finest quality. The one thing I love about this movie is that it does just that. Minimal gore and blood but enough jumps, screams and suspense to keep you attentive and on the edge of your seat. I don't want to give away too many spoilers, but the movie's strong point is its plot line. I noticed that several critics called the story line sketchy and jumpy. However, I believe that if you paid attention, which you should be doing anyway, it was easy to keep on track. It was a beautifully sad story behind all the screams and thrills, one that tried to touch you at heart's core. I think it may have missed mine since my heart is a bit off center but nonetheless I got the point.



Another crowning point were the two sisters, played in their older character forms by Megan Charpentier and Isabelle Nelisse. Can I just say WOW!! These two knew how to capture an audience's attention and their chemistry played out so well together. I loved how Victoria (played by Charpentier) was more soft around the edges, even as the oldest child. Willing to make changes and allow pure love in her life, she was more open to the thought of rebuilding her life. However, her younger and creepier sister Lily, seemed to glow on the edge of evil. So attached to Mama, she refused to let anything new in and couldn't understand why her sister had turned away from the warming love of this creature known as Mama. What made her character even more enticing were her body movements. Staggered and animalistic, even after being found she held onto the behaviors learned while growing up in isolation. She preferred to crawl instead of walking straight and slept under the protective bed of her sister, refusing to venture off into her own space. It was saddening and fearful  but yet oh so frightening all at once. I LOVED IT! I couldn't take my eyes off her. She played the role so well yet didn't steal the show which I thought was a hard thing not to do.

The ending of Mama was different and not what I expected. Definitely a twist at the end and I won't ruin it for all but whatever you expect to happen won't. Overall, the graphics and cinematography of the film were amazing and kept your visuals in a gaze while the story line kept your ears hounding for more. I will say, Mama is yet another Del Toro accomplishment.

Graphics: 5
Cohesiveness: 4
Story Line: 5
ADD Meter: 4
Overall Epicness: 5

Earlier today, a co-worker and I were discussing the Scream series. He commented on the newest addition, which I had not gotten around to seeing, and made mention of a few likes and dislikes he had. I told him I would try my best to watch Scream 4 and put a review up about it. So, tonight's review will be on both Scream 3 and 4. Since I haven't watched a Scream movie in years, I felt that it wouldn't be fair for me to do an honest review on Scream 4 without taking a step back to Scream 3. Let me first say this, the Scream series has been one of the funniest continuing horror series within the recent two decades. It has helped spawn several spoof movies, specifically the Wayne's brother's Scary movie series. When watching any Scream film, one must keep in mind that its really not meant to scare but is instead meant to entertain; so don't go in expecting to be frightened out your pants. The Scream series is sort of a spoof series of older, slasher horror films- not much great acting, oblivious characters, funny, sarcastic lines and a plot that could last for at least 5 movies. A great whodunit movie for the archives, the Scream series will certainly live on.

Scream 3
So Scream 3 begins where the last 2 films left off- in the middle of a small town where people are being killed by a mystery caller dressed in a black poncho and white mask, somewhat resembling Van Gogh's scream painting. Gale Weathers, the reporter, is back investigating another strange murder in this small yet not so sleepy town. The big action is surrounding the fiction film Stab 3, which is awkwardly similar to Scream and is being shot in this town. The characters in Stab all resemble characters from previous Scream movies, so it's kinda like a movie within a movie.Our favorite character, Sidney, is back on screen also along with strongman officer Dewey. Now, I won't spend too much time on the itty bitty details of the movie and if you haven't seen the first film in the series I would suggest starting there before jumping to the third. So what I'll do is focus on moments in the movie that are funny and make you say, "hmm, that was God awful....when is the next one coming out?"

Favorite Moments:
*The second person, Sara, gets killed and now Dewey and Gale are meeting with one of the cast members who will be playing Gail when Dewey makes a miraculous discovery- omg the killer is killing characters in the order they get killed in the movie Stab 3! *Dramatic Gasp*
*The bodyguard gets killed and the group of people in the house start to panic and freak out like only a group could in a slasher film- running around aimlessly, calling attention to themselves as they yell, running in and out of the house
*The weak ass love story between Gale and Dewey
*The corny yet dramatic music- like when Sidney appears in town at the police station, birds chirp, fairies dance and all that jazz
*The how-to/explanatory video created by Randy filled with rules and fun facts on how to deal with a trilogy killer
*Killer lines- "What's your favorite scary movie"
*The discovery of the mythical voice changer that the killer uses
*The multiple reckless appearance of the killer

And the list goes on....The movie was predictable and campy, but it was a great addition to an on going series.

Scream 4
So here comes Scream 4. The series was supposed to end at Scream 3 but was picked up in 2008 for a fourth installment. The movie starts off quite confusing, with a movie within a movie within a movie; endings to both Stab 6 and 7 are shown and played off as the beginning of Scream 4. Ironically, the various 2 girls shown on the couch in both Stab 6 and 7 rally off reasons why slasher films similar to the Stab series are lame and shouldn't be bothered with. The best part of the opening scene is when one of the blonde chicks stabs her friend cuz she won't shut up. Scream 4 is a bit more gory than the previous one; seeing how the previous one did come out closely after the Columbine shootings. Side note: Hayden's haircut is hotttttt!!! Oooh she looks sexy short! Alright, back to the movie. I actually partially enjoyed watching Scream 4, it had more depth to the plot than the previous one, a bit more blood and gore, and faster action with not so much chatter. Still funny as hell, Scream 4 continued the franchise with ease and familiarity. Like I did with Scream 3, I will go over a few favorite moments in Scream 4, then wrap up this brutally mind numbing review.

Favorite Moments:
*Beginning movie within a movie within a movie- always a good change of a pace
*Ever notice how quickly the killer vanishes? Ghost.
*The slasher film trivia given at Kirby's house while Charlie is tied up outside and throughout the movie
*The surprise killing of Kirby by Charlie- I will admit I was completely surprised by that
*Killer lines- " You're in the same house with Sidney Prescott?That's like being on Top Chef with Jeffery Dahmer"
*The crazy bitch at the end- told you it was crazy bitch season
*Amazing ending- sooooo not what I was expecting at all!!

There isn't more to say about Scream 4. Out of all the Scream movies, it was probably one of my favorites due to the actual plot and more than decent acting for a slasher film. It even had an element of surprise to it when you find out who the real killers are. I'd sadly give it a 4 out of 5 within the Scream series and a 4 out of 5 within the slasher genre.  I would suggest this movie for a late night silly get together- drinks, popcorn, a small group of friends who can take slasher films lightly. At the end of the movie, one is left thinking, "Who needs friends or family when you can have fame?" Greatly put Jill, greatly put.

Alright kiddies, so this past weekend I took the time out to catch up with some of the past new releases. I took this Sunday to overload on movies and give you the true reviews you've been waiting to read. I'm gonna keep it short and sweet, so here we go:

Insidious
I hate to say this, but this movie was similar to popular haunted house movies such as Amityville and An American Haunting except that the haunting is not within the house but is instead inside the comatose son. The ending was a great surprise and made up for the slowness of the plot.
Positives: great ending, good, almost believable plot, decent actors
Negatives: sloooowwww and drawn out in the beginning, scary scenes mostly saved for the latter half of the movie
Horror/creepy rating: 2.5 out of 5
Acting rating: 3 out of 5
Overall rating: 3 out of 5, don't waste your time watching it in the theaters but definitely a good movie for a date night at home

The Rite
Anthony Hopkins had a pretty decent movie year with both The Wolfman and The Rite. Both movies were supposed to be big blockbuster hits and had heavy advertisement plays. The movie was a bit different from the usual exorcism movies; a little more emphasis on faith and religion than on scare tactics and graphics. The movie was basically about a man, struggling with faith, who is sent to Rome to take part in exorcism courses leading to his return to faith.
Positives: great acting on both leading character's parts, good pace to the movie, balanced emphasis on both religion and movie-style exorcism
Negatives: a bit more meat and potatoes to the movie would have been nice- you understand what's going on but you wish that more could have been added to the plot, although I don't mind movies that have an emphasis on religion, it's not for your everyday hardcore atheist
Horror/creepy rating: 4 out of 5- not exactly a horror movie but it definitely has its share of chills and jumps
Actor rating: 3 out of 5
Overall rating: 4 out of 5- reminded me a bit of The Book of Eli in the religious sense and if you enjoyed that movie you probably will enjoy The Rite

The Roommate
Crazy women seem to be the main theme for 2011. With Black Swan starting off the crazy bitch year, crazy women are slowly starting to populate the theater screens. The Roommate was exactly what the trailer showed it to be: a crazy ass female befriending her obliviously naive college roommate. I would suggest watching this with fellow roommates for full effect.
Positives: BITCH IS CRAZY!! Be prepared for some wacked out sh*t to happen, a great girls night out movie, no slow moments
Negatives: don't expect any surprises or twisted endings- what you think is gonna happen will probably happen nothing too out of the crazy ordinary, definitely not a date movie since guys will probably not be too interested in watching, the main character Sara is completely oblivious to her crazy roommate's antics- which is a bit hard to believe since her antics are real extreme
Psychological thriller rating: 3 out of 5
Actor rating; 3 out of 5- expect something similar to CW acting
Overall rating: 2.5 out of 5- not the worst movie ever but definitely not worth any bucks. If you're looking for crazy you can see it here but if you're looking for really crazy, this is not the one

Hanna
Government officials come tumbling down in this action-based assassin movie. Hanna is about a young girl who is trained by her father to murder the woman who murdered her mother. This movie is a bit different because it's not your non-stop action movie but instead has a few stops here and there for the innocence of a young girl to develop.
Positives: Hanna is a beast! She kills without blinking or thinking, not set in the US or the UK so you get to see a bit more geography, good plot once the real reasons for the killing spree and running is revealed
Negatives: although the diverse geography is great it does get confusing trying to figure out where in the world is Hanna, a bit slow of a movie even with the action scenes
Psychological thriller rating: 3.5 out of 5
Actor rating: 4 out of 5
Overall rating: 4 out of 5- foreign films are great but american films with foreign actors are even better

So there it is. The simplest reviews to the simplest movies. See one. See all. Either way, I'm done seeing them all. Enjoy!

Sexually offensive movies went with the aging of 70's along with bell bottoms and discos. However, there has been a recent reprisal of sexually graphic movies hitting the theaters. Movies such as, The Last House on the Left and I Spit on Your Grave have given a whole new meaning to the genre of revenge films. The Last House on the Left was first released in 1972 and was banned in the UK for violent rape scenes and extreme violence. The same happened to I Spit on Your Grave when it was released in 1978; it was quickly banned in several countries including Germany, Norway and Iceland. It was banned also for its violent rape scenes and extreme violence.

Both films can be categorized as revenge films, with the main characters coming back to commit atrocious acts of vengeance on their rapists. In the film, The Last House on the Left, the main character involves her parents who help her kill her attackers in such ways as leaving one of her attackers paralyzed with his head in an active microwave. The main character in I Spit on Your Grave goes on an independent killing spree, targeting each person involved in her gang rape, including the mentally challenged man who was forced into raping her. There's a very graphic scene of her hooking a fishing line through each eyelid of one of her rapists, followed by the slow drowning of another in acidic water, and the ass raping of another with the barrel of a gun.

Ironically, both films showcase the love of a family. In I Spit on Your Grave, the sheriff has a family who he shows his undying love towards. The morning after the rape he goes home and washes up, even going as far as to praise his daughter and hug her lovingly. You would never suspect that he was involved in a brutal gang rape the night before. Likewise, in The Last House on the Left, once the victim's family becomes aware of who their visitors are, their nice, Leave It to Beaver demeanor becomes that of a focused, sadistic killer as they come up with torturous ways to slowly kill their daughter's attackers.

I will say that the rape scenes in both films are extremely hard to sit through, although the rape scene in I Spit on Your Grave is not only prolonged but is also more graphically sadistic than in Wes Cravens film. Both films showcase women in vulnerable situations being raped and in the case of Last House on the Left, brutally left for dead. While watching either film, you never know what to really think; you know rape is wrong, but dammit so is murder. The only emotions running through your head are anger, disgust and horror.  However in the end, you can't help but to side with the women. True, the men did not warrant this kind of killing, but the women did nothing to provoke such brutal rapes. Either way you think, at the end of the day, a vagina still beats out having a penis.