Review: The Last House on the Left vs. I Spit on Your Grave


Sexually offensive movies went with the aging of 70's along with bell bottoms and discos. However, there has been a recent reprisal of sexually graphic movies hitting the theaters. Movies such as, The Last House on the Left and I Spit on Your Grave have given a whole new meaning to the genre of revenge films. The Last House on the Left was first released in 1972 and was banned in the UK for violent rape scenes and extreme violence. The same happened to I Spit on Your Grave when it was released in 1978; it was quickly banned in several countries including Germany, Norway and Iceland. It was banned also for its violent rape scenes and extreme violence.

Both films can be categorized as revenge films, with the main characters coming back to commit atrocious acts of vengeance on their rapists. In the film, The Last House on the Left, the main character involves her parents who help her kill her attackers in such ways as leaving one of her attackers paralyzed with his head in an active microwave. The main character in I Spit on Your Grave goes on an independent killing spree, targeting each person involved in her gang rape, including the mentally challenged man who was forced into raping her. There's a very graphic scene of her hooking a fishing line through each eyelid of one of her rapists, followed by the slow drowning of another in acidic water, and the ass raping of another with the barrel of a gun.

Ironically, both films showcase the love of a family. In I Spit on Your Grave, the sheriff has a family who he shows his undying love towards. The morning after the rape he goes home and washes up, even going as far as to praise his daughter and hug her lovingly. You would never suspect that he was involved in a brutal gang rape the night before. Likewise, in The Last House on the Left, once the victim's family becomes aware of who their visitors are, their nice, Leave It to Beaver demeanor becomes that of a focused, sadistic killer as they come up with torturous ways to slowly kill their daughter's attackers.

I will say that the rape scenes in both films are extremely hard to sit through, although the rape scene in I Spit on Your Grave is not only prolonged but is also more graphically sadistic than in Wes Cravens film. Both films showcase women in vulnerable situations being raped and in the case of Last House on the Left, brutally left for dead. While watching either film, you never know what to really think; you know rape is wrong, but dammit so is murder. The only emotions running through your head are anger, disgust and horror.  However in the end, you can't help but to side with the women. True, the men did not warrant this kind of killing, but the women did nothing to provoke such brutal rapes. Either way you think, at the end of the day, a vagina still beats out having a penis.

Titanic: Another Massive J.C. Production


So today was definitely Titanic day on TBS and oh how a epic day it was. The 1997 award winning film Titanic was one of J.C.'s  (and I don't mean Jesus Christ either) massive productions. The movie itself cost $200 million to make and with all its special effects and massive stage props, well of course it did. Now let me say this first before I go into my revue, the actual real life story of the sinking of the Titanic is incredibly sad and is a tragedy. I would never make fun of the actual event. Now J.C.'s version I will poke, ridicule and burn at the stake while chanting "What the fcku!".

Oh where to start. Let's start with the special effects. J.C. is known for his exaggerated effects but damn! Did you see how massive that ship was? I mean, I understand that the actual Titanic was the biggest ship for its time but is it necessary to be taking up the entire screen J.C.? One of those huge columns on top of the ship intentionally took up my entire screen, no bullshit either. I'm gonna need you to take it down about $100 million dollars. And then we wonder why we're in such a recession.

Next let's discuss the weak ass love story. What really gets to me is that while the ship has sunk and there's furniture floating around, Leo D. grabs one for Kate Dub but doesn't grab one for himself. Now fellas, as much as you love your girlfriends and wives, I can't imagine you not trying to at least save your own asses, especially after you've already secured her safety. And as Leo D. is freezing his ass of in the icy water, she turns to him and tells him that she loves him. You love him? Hell, you better adore, love and worship his ass since he's about to die for your slow ass self. Favorite scene: one sweaty hand print on the inside of a car window. Favorite line: "I'll never let go Jack. I'll never let go". Dammit let go.

Lastly, the ending scene with the old, aging woman. The movie begins with a crew trying to locate the massive diamond she was given as an engagement present. 194 minutes later, she steps out barefoot into the cold, leans over the railing and aimlessly throws the massive diamond overboard. What the fcku! You mean you had the diamond this entire time? Well damn, we could have cut the 194 minutes of my life that I wasted watching this movie in half. I know she had a personal attachment to the diamond, but I'm pretty sure they would have given her massive buttloads of money for it. Enough to take care of her family for years and years. I know its not about the money, but its about the time, the time I wasted watching another massive J.C. production.

Moral of the story: Sometimes masstivity (and yes it's a word) equals ridiculousness on a massive level. Prime example: Avatar. Point made.

Baby Daddy Drama


Tila Tequila Twitter Ticker: Baby Daddy Banging, Pleading

February 5th, 2010 10:39 AM by Hilton Hater

Tila Tequila hasn't just returned to Twitter, folks. She's also returned to men! On the day after she re-opened her social networking account, the mentally unbalanced liar didn't disappoint those that follow her Tweets just to laugh at what nonsense she'll spew next. The latest? Tequila is sleeping with her baby daddy... who she might be falling for... yet who is "NOT ALLOWED to tell anyone who he is" because he signed a non-disclosure agreement... yet who she previously claimed was The Game and adamently insisted she would out in nine months after he denied the charge.
Major Phony
Makes perfect sense, right? In Tila's attention-hungry world, absolutely. Relive her most entertaining Tweets over the last few hours below:
  • Anyway, even tho I'm already preggers, It's time for more baby making time tonight! Oh boy! I can't wait! Been a while!!!!!!! LMAO! shhh!
  • My baby daddy, is here eating all of Mommy and baby's food!!!! Ol lazy assss! LOL
  • MY BD just left....we have a funny joke. I'm like "JUST CUZ U MY BABBY DADDY DONT MAKE U MY BOO!" lol
  • I think my babby daddy is falling in love with me.....I told him that he bet not do that cuz I dont wana hurt him....
  • But Imma tell u a little secret, I'm falling for my babby daddy too! DUM! DUM! DUM! DUM! And the Saga continues...it aint spose 2 b this way
  • and YES Im still a lesbian but, I give my baby daddy that exception. I want to love the father of my child at least so the baby is loved too
  • Any men out there who would like to be my next baby daddy?? This is quite addicting!
You heard her, guys. Tila is already on the prowl for the next man to knock her up. We'd tell you to make a run for it, but there's no need to worry: she's not actually pregnant.

Week in Revue


The Hollywood Gossip Week in Review: January 30 - February 5, 2010

February 6th, 2010 8:42 AM by Hilton Hater

It was a week that featured the release of one sex-crazed star from rehab (Tiger Woods), along with more revelations about another (John Edwards).
Below, we recount the highs, low and general hysterics from the last few days in the celebrity gossip world...
Tiger GrimacesDear John Edwards ...
Two men that were on top of the world... before they got on top of anything with breasts.

Bonnie and Clyde: A Modern Love Story


So it's that time of year again. Time for cards, candy and gifts. No, its not Christmas. Guess again. Yeeaahh that's right, its Valentine's Day!!! Who can resist the holiday of love, lust and anger if you're single. It's the last holiday that makes you feel shitty as hell for deciding to follow the unbeaten path of singledom. If you didn't feel lonely and depressed during Christmas or New Years, don't worry, here's your chance now. So for those of you who have no plans but to sit at home on the couch and curse the gods of love, here's a movie that will make you wonder if love is really worth it in the first place.

The 1967 film Bonnie and Clyde is based off the lives of real life bank robbers Bonnie Parker and Clyde Barrow. Set during the Great Depression, the film showcases the attempted robberies and personal lives of these two famed robbers. What makes the film a great V-Day film is that it has all the good and bad characteristics of love minus the ooshy, mushy, gushy stuff love stories today want to jam pack in 90 minutes. I mean, from the beginning you can tell its gonna be a destructive relationship. He sweeps her off her feet by telling her that he's a bank robber after attempting to steal her granny's car. Bonnie then skips work and gleefully hops in the car. Soon following that, she tries to make out with him like any good girlfriend would but he stops her and says "I'm not for that love shit, I'm a bank robber dammit", or something like that. He then tells her "I don't like that shit in your hair, take it out", which she does. Oh the early components of an abusive relationship.

Best part is that the entire film is like that basically; girl tries to win boy, boy has little interest, girl cries and boy falls in love. You can feel the devotion that Bonnie has for Clyde and although Clyde tries to deny it, yeah he loves her. I mean there's not too many girls that will drop everything and run away with a bank robber at first meet. For those who have never seen the movie or know how the story ends don't read this part. *The ending scene where they both get shot down is incredible, all bullet holes and shit. All I can say is place your ex-significant other's face here*

Back to what I was saying, the movie has that nostalgic acting in it. Remember when movies meant something more than just massive paychecks and actors could actually act? Yeah, its like that. The film was nominated for eight top awards and several other smaller ones, for those of you  who care about that shit. It's a film that takes you back to the days when "men were men and did manly things without caring how the womenfolk felt 'cuz they were manly men".

Point is, the movie is a landmark film, opening doorways for more sexual and violent films. Watch it with a holster in tow and snacks to go. And don't be surprised if you have the itching feeling to grab your ex-significant other to go rob banks just to watch them get shot down in the end. Oops, sorry bout that spoiler. Happy V-Day!

1mbalanc3d's ::Pick... of the Month (..month.. month.. month..)::


...umm-- yea...-- so perhaps my echo introducing this post didn't work out as well as i'd like BUT nonetheless this is my movie pick of the month... 'THE CRAZIES'... i mean Holy SHIT... What better way to follow up the love-y dove-y Valentines Day season than by.... goin insane! so apparently the inhabitants of a small Iowa town are suddenly plagued by insanity and then death after a mysterious toxin contaminates their water supply (Ice Mountain For The WIN!). I'm lookin' forward to the viral insanity coming to a theater near you February 26th, 2010

Enjoy The Preview::




Genre: Horror
Cast: Timothy Olyphant, Joe Anderson, Preston Bailey, Larry Cedar
Director: Breck Eisner
Writers: Scott Kosar, Ray Wright
Studio: Overture Films

New Year, Same Movies


Nothing in Hollywood is original. Through the years, musical artists have re-done, re-mixed and often times exaggerated versions of original songs. Now that they've nearly exhausted the original talent in that area, Hollywood has turned its eyes towards the movie business, gripping its claws and tearing into what was once considered to be classic movies. In 2009, we saw remakes of  Last House on the Left, The Taking of Pelham 123, and even Fame.

However, not all remakes are done well. We all remember Michael Bay's disastrious remake of Friday the 13th and who can forget the lame remake of My Bloody Valentine in...3-D! Now don't get me wrong, not every remake is a flop. The upcoming film, Wolfman, which is a remake of the The Wolfman looks incredible (Benicio del Toro being one of the many reasons) and The Crazies looks just as exciting and gruesome as the original. But I think we can all agree, not all movies need to be remade. Movies like Nightmare on Elm Street, Drop Dead Fred and It should be left alone. Why fix something if it's not broke? I guess what I'm really trying to say is, how many more movies can Michael Bay mess up? I'd rather not find out.